the myth of a good baby, part II: making it easier

If you've read my previous post around the ways we label babies, you'll know that I am suffused with discomfort when someone tells me how good my baby is (Read why here). When the Pea was a few months old, I was surprised to realise that I, too, had been buying into the idea that she was a good baby. When we went out, I didn't have problems with her. She was relaxed and happy; her needs were easily met. I began to venture out from the various outings I had discovered to be baby-friendly; our favourite cafe down the street, the shopping centres with wonderful parent rooms, the parks close to home.

It was all going swimmingly until one day I got a little too relaxed, or went with the inpromptu, or perhaps was particularly sleep-deprived and delirious. The English Husband, the Pea and I set off for a much-loved suburb. We hadn't meant to do so but the Pea fell asleep in the car and so we drove around until she had had a full nap. Anything for a rested baby! When we got there we scouted around for an appropriate lunch spot, and set up in a pub with the best breastfeeding corner we could find on short notice. Things got nasty when the Pea became hungry sooner than I'd expected. Long story short, I spent the next hour or more intermittently breastfeeding her while perched on a toilet seat, desperately trying to stop her touching any surroundings and trying not to breathe the noxious disinfectant (thank goodness that was the worst odour we had to deal with), making occasional dashes out to my lunch, returning to the toilets with a still hungry baby, while the Englishman ate his lunch alone and worried about how to help us. All in all, a gorgeous afternoon.

A 'good' baby is a baby whose needs have been met. If I can, amidst the sleeplessness and general chaos, listen for what the Pea is asking for and respond as much as I am able, we are both so much happier. As such, I am all for ignoring the washing up and just focussing on her when this is required, and as such I am also a fan of any item that makes it easier for me to meet her needs. Especially in public, where accoutrement help so much.

The purchases that have made my breastfeeding life run smoothly are as follow:

1. Great breastfeeding T's. My favourites are from Eve of Eden, boob and momzelle, though Kmart has fairly decent ones for just $10 (although they have done that thing where they make it 'suitable' for both pregnancy and breastfeeding, and it doesn't quite work in either case; who wants droopy make-your-belly-look-even-bigger extra fabric over their belly post-pregnancy, and who is breastfeeding while pregnant? Hmm.)

2. A gorgeous scarf. Jewellery became something for the Pea to bash her soft little head on when she was tiny, yoink on when she grew bigger and chew incessantly when teething. I have used a scarf to accessorise my simple breastfeeding T's, provides extra coverage when I am feeling self-conscious because of weird pervy people, act as a blanket/playmat/plaything for the Pea and cover any surface that seemed less than ideal for my precious one's use. In all seriousness I was disadvantaged when I left it at home.

3. A brilliant baby carrier. Soothes the Pea even when the Evil Teething Fairies are about. The Ergocarrier has changed my life. Baby Bjorn wrecked my back.

4. Comfortable walking shoes. Cute too, thanks, shoe manufacturers! (Any suggestions, people?) Run free, mamas! Get out there with your T's and your scarves and your carriers and carve it up!


Happy Shopping!

a book to bolster: orchids on your budget

Living on less need never be about living less. Imagine a home filled only with things you love. Imagine a home in which you need never feel bothered about money. Those are my goals. I am finding that the more I streamline my living style and the more carefully I consider each purchase, the more beautifully my home comes together and the better it feels. In seeking this, it has been important to me to learn from others who have decided to step outside of our consumer ways.

Living on less is no new trend. One of the most affirming books I have read around this passion of mine is 'Orchids on Your Budget, or Live Smartly on What You Have' by Marjorie Hillis. It is the most profoundly joyful, affirming and irreverent book about women choosing to budget (as compared to those women who feel they have to budget) and was written in 1937. 1937!!! If it still reads well after SEVENTY-FIVE YEARS, it is clearly important. And the writing style! I swoon. If you are somehow disinterested in Marjorie's ideas on budgeting, read it instead for her delicious comments on husbands.

Let's not budget because we must. Let's do it because we want to, because we are proud to do so. And let's do it with a grin as broad as Marjorie's.

how I learnt to find it (with credit rating intact)

When I was younger (and given that I was a student well into my twenties) the thrill of actually being able to purchase an item sometimes overrode whether it perfectly met my needs and also whether it complemented my other belongings. As such, i would find myself the not-so-proud owner of a cheaply made or not-quite-suited-to-my-tastes item. Sound familiar?

When I finally entered my career, paid off my loans and found myself with the great good fortune of disposable income, I shopped with a vengeance. At last I could afford that oversized gilt-edged mirror, that several-hundred-dollar dress, and although I did reasonably well in terms of buying only what I loved, I was sometimes left with a bad taste in my mouth. Was this really the best way to give myself a boost? Was it really the best use of my hard-earned money? In some cases the answer was a resounding 'yes', but in others I felt a certain kind of 'dirtiness' as my tastes grew more and more expensive. I also felt guilt, and that's never good. Change beckoned. Or rather, change screamed at me from the bottom of my credit card statement.

As I have grown older and found new ways to shop, new places to shop and I think also better ranges in many stores, I have found a happier balance. By carefully thinking about each purchase and buying only those items that suit my needs, my lifestyle, my taste and my budget, I have eventually become happier with less. Admittedly, I am still far from renouncing material possessions or even shopping-as-entertainment, but I am learning to do it in a way that is less frenzied, more productive and a lot more kind to my bank balance. I would so much rather be able to afford to stay at home with my daughter than to have the next iPad.

Have you experienced a similar shift? Do you find yourself struggling in your relationship with shopping? Please write and let me know how you manage what can be a fun and satisfying or stressful and even emotional part of your life.