the myth of a good baby, part II: making it easier

If you've read my previous post around the ways we label babies, you'll know that I am suffused with discomfort when someone tells me how good my baby is (Read why here). When the Pea was a few months old, I was surprised to realise that I, too, had been buying into the idea that she was a good baby. When we went out, I didn't have problems with her. She was relaxed and happy; her needs were easily met. I began to venture out from the various outings I had discovered to be baby-friendly; our favourite cafe down the street, the shopping centres with wonderful parent rooms, the parks close to home.

It was all going swimmingly until one day I got a little too relaxed, or went with the inpromptu, or perhaps was particularly sleep-deprived and delirious. The English Husband, the Pea and I set off for a much-loved suburb. We hadn't meant to do so but the Pea fell asleep in the car and so we drove around until she had had a full nap. Anything for a rested baby! When we got there we scouted around for an appropriate lunch spot, and set up in a pub with the best breastfeeding corner we could find on short notice. Things got nasty when the Pea became hungry sooner than I'd expected. Long story short, I spent the next hour or more intermittently breastfeeding her while perched on a toilet seat, desperately trying to stop her touching any surroundings and trying not to breathe the noxious disinfectant (thank goodness that was the worst odour we had to deal with), making occasional dashes out to my lunch, returning to the toilets with a still hungry baby, while the Englishman ate his lunch alone and worried about how to help us. All in all, a gorgeous afternoon.

A 'good' baby is a baby whose needs have been met. If I can, amidst the sleeplessness and general chaos, listen for what the Pea is asking for and respond as much as I am able, we are both so much happier. As such, I am all for ignoring the washing up and just focussing on her when this is required, and as such I am also a fan of any item that makes it easier for me to meet her needs. Especially in public, where accoutrement help so much.

The purchases that have made my breastfeeding life run smoothly are as follow:

1. Great breastfeeding T's. My favourites are from Eve of Eden, boob and momzelle, though Kmart has fairly decent ones for just $10 (although they have done that thing where they make it 'suitable' for both pregnancy and breastfeeding, and it doesn't quite work in either case; who wants droopy make-your-belly-look-even-bigger extra fabric over their belly post-pregnancy, and who is breastfeeding while pregnant? Hmm.)

2. A gorgeous scarf. Jewellery became something for the Pea to bash her soft little head on when she was tiny, yoink on when she grew bigger and chew incessantly when teething. I have used a scarf to accessorise my simple breastfeeding T's, provides extra coverage when I am feeling self-conscious because of weird pervy people, act as a blanket/playmat/plaything for the Pea and cover any surface that seemed less than ideal for my precious one's use. In all seriousness I was disadvantaged when I left it at home.

3. A brilliant baby carrier. Soothes the Pea even when the Evil Teething Fairies are about. The Ergocarrier has changed my life. Baby Bjorn wrecked my back.

4. Comfortable walking shoes. Cute too, thanks, shoe manufacturers! (Any suggestions, people?) Run free, mamas! Get out there with your T's and your scarves and your carriers and carve it up!


Happy Shopping!

the myth of a 'good baby'

Now let me say at the outset that this post is not coming from a place of spite or longing. The Pea is often labelled a 'good baby' but, quite frankly, the term makes me nervous. Are these tiny people to be labelled good and bad in their first few months of life? Are they not simply learning, and largely responding to our own interactions with them? The Pea is currently considered a good baby because she rarely cries, is full of smiles and sleeps reasonably well. She is also, already, strong willed. I feel nervous every time someone calls her a good baby because inevitably, necessarily, she will not always be good. She will be angry and frustrated and have trouble sleeping and want to have things her own way. And that is just fine!

I dislike the compliment because every time she is called good, there is a future judgment of bad hanging over her head. These same people will be judging and finding my daughter wanting if she dares to get cranky, challenge an adult's judgment or simply has a worn-out meltdown. Why do people label children in these ways? Surely the Pea is neither good or bad, she simply exhibits behaviours that people prefer or dislike. Can we not talk about the behaviour rather than the person- even at this tender age? What do you think?

a word on sustainable shopping

I sometimes feel concerned to read about the latest must-have eco item. Reusable bags, reusable coffee cups, eco-fashion, eco Coke bottle. How many of these items will we use for years and years to come?

Weren't our grandparents far more green than we are?

I read recently that 'green marketing is the new black'. Do any of the items listed above actually justify their production cost?  What if furniture made from recycled bottles quietens the concern we should feel over just how many plastic bottles we go through? How often are we being sold brilliant marketing more than brilliant solutions?

I am trying to be mindful of the hype that surrounds products- green or otherwise. Sensible, loving shopping is my aim. Yes I will shop, but as much as possible in ways that are inherently more sustainable than shop-as-entertainment, shop-as-therapy or shop-dispose-rebuy.

Every item we purchase sends a message; stores ultimately stock only what we buy. Imagine if we only ever shopped to...

buy quality... buy once... take great care of our belongings... buy only what we love and pass on those items we don't... buy natural, sustainable materials... buy vintage...

buy less and love it more. 

thoughts on buying for the pea, with a great way to help mothers

Having my baby, the Pea, I am acutely aware that my purchases for her will define her own relationship with material possessions. I want her to have an edited array of gorgeous things that she can treasure, not a pile of plastic toys each birthday and Christmas. I want to give her experiences, create rituals, play together as we find the joy in each and every day. I want her to be as aware as some of the very young children I know, who choose to make a donation on their birthdays to help other children rather than have yet another toy.

As such, one of the ways I have celebrated her birth (and marked my own passage through labour) is by donating to the Birthing Kit Foundation Australia. At the cost of around $3 per kit, they provide the essentials for a mother to birth her child more safely. With an estimated 385,000 women dying from complications in childhood anually, I can't bear to birth my beautiful daughter without helping someone else to birth their child more safely.

If this strikes a chord with you as it did with me, please pass the link on to friends and family. Here's to all the mothers and babies of the world.